Travel, travel, travel

Last year I studied at London School of Economics and Political Science. London is for sure not the center (geographical or cultural) of Europe, but it's still very convenient to travel to most parts of Europe (as long as you stop at Siberia). I designed for myself a complicated yet fantastic travel route that covers most continental European countries. But in the end, due to the workload from my program and all the procrastination of one lonely traveler, I ended up covering only a few countries, including (in the order of visit) Ireland, Iceland, Italy, Greece, Czech, Netherlands, France, Turkey and Ukraine, not to mention that I also went to Israel trice during the year.

And all of these tours turned out to be a "Jewish cultural heritage search". I stopped at Rome, at Athens, at Venice, Prague, Amsterdam, Paris, Istanbul, Kiev, Lviv and Berdychiv. I looked for synagogues, remaining Jewish communities/quarters, Jewish cultural museums, even the mezuzah on the weathered doorways like wrinkles on face of the elders.

I didn't really know why I was looking for them and what I was about to do with myself. The only thing I knew was that by having a purpose, any kind, my travel was given certain meaning and significance so that I can keep on.

I'm not Jewish. I'm not intending to convert. I'm not religious. By the way, I am not a communist. Lacking the sense of belonging, I'm always wandering among, or more like squeezing between, the raptures of cultures and the marginalized world. My friends told me: do you know why you're so aimless? Because you came from a middle class family which spoiled you so that you don't even need to worry about anything. This is not true. Maybe I will attribute this "free and useless spirit" to the four-year education at Fudan University, well-known for its "free and useless soul".

I guess that's the reason why we were not meant for each other. He's living in reality yet I'm wandering, pretty nomadic, in my dream. I need to wake and and I know I will, some day, wake up very painfully. But before that, let all the experiences and inspirations fill my empty head and heart. Let me open to all the possibilities and all the voices. Let me build up the courage to embrace the new, the unfamiliar, and the unexpected.

I am staying here. I am not going anywhere. I'm waiting for the coming September. On this land there are the people I love. I'm scared. But I want to stay and be with them. If I went through all the things that they'd been through, then would I be closer to them?