Shalom Chaim

Israel is my personal curse. Although I know I shouldn't go there anymore, I can't resist the craving inside my heart.

So, here I come. 6th visit to Israel. Semester program of modern Hebrew at Hebrew University. September 2011 to February 2012. If next year is the end of the year, let me be in Israel where love is lost, girl matures, and life goes on.

Shalom shalom.

Disaster vs. Mob

Recently, too many tragedies happened in China. Or maybe to call it "tragedy" is a blasphemy for all the innocent lives lost. Maybe we should call it "crime".

After the crimes committed, what I saw were angry people, furious, outraged. They criticized the government, hurled abuses on the officials, and discredited every bit that is made in China. Overnight, all those silent people stood up and condemned the crimes. However, where were they? They've been living in this country for long. When babies were toxicated by the milk power, when workers buried live under coal mines, when passengers roasted to death on the terrorist bus, they said nothing. Or maybe they said a word or two, and then returned to their normal lives as if nothing has any impact on their very lives. So that's fine.

And now people are outraged again. Honestly, I'm tired to see it. I don't know for how long this time that people will keep being outraged. And after this accident, what will remain, apart from the old newspapers, vague memories, and long-forgotten words spoken out?

Foreigners sometime say, China needs a grassroots revolution to overthrow the monarchy. True, maybe China needs a grassroots revolution. But so far, I see no possible "grassroots" that are capable of doing this. Everyone, apart from the super rich and powerful who'd very much like to continue their ruling life, is netted into the invisible system that imprisons every single aspect of commoner's life: education, health care (if there's any at all), civil servant system, party membership, tax, insurance (if there's any at all), etc. No one is courageous enough to do anything "reckless" unless they can get political refuge in the US (well many people go riot just for the green cards... not many succeed). Therefore, apart from yelling and forgetting, what else can they do?

Now people are yelling again. They yell at everything and anything. In order to yell louder, they begin to spread rumors to stimulate the flames of hatred. Now the definition of "good guy" has changed: "good guy" means "the best bad guy in the bad guy groups"... The famous scientist should be proud of Chinese and their application of "relativity"?

Surely we need democracy and freedom and human rights and everything, you name it, we need it. But democracy is not built up by mobs. Freedom will be turned into destruction. And human rights are only one of the excuses for one group to repress the other.

Freedom

Me: I know this is not the right time to say it, but I have to. Right after almost all the terrorist attack on the Western world, most people would suspect the "Orientals", namely, Middle Easterners and other religious countries. But it is not always the case.

Lucia: True that. I wonder why.

Ariadne: True. I wonder why the New York Times just got away with naming a random Islamic group for the Oslo attack

Me: because we need to respect the freedom of speech, freedom of press, freedom of suspect and the freedom of imagination

Ariadne: ‪I didn't say the opposite. But if a major newspaper is running such a big story, they can, you know, apologise afterwards. Or check their sources in the first place. This is called journalistic integrity.‬

Me: I'm afraid, facing one of the strongest stereotypes and political reality, journalistic integrity is so trivial and thus marginalized..

Falun Gong Protest in Tel Aviv

My friend told me that Falun Gongists are protesting from 6.00pm to 8.00pm tonight outside the Chinese Embassy in Tel Aviv. Then I think it's just so timely for me to say a word or two on Falun Gong. By the way, the religious leader of Falun Gong was from my hometown Changchun. When he was still a worker, my dad actually met him for once. It's funny to think about it.

OK, first of all, I need to say that I fully respect the religious freedom of Falun Gong so much the same as I respect Flying Spaghetti Monster and it's great to see the FSM's oriental counterpart born in China (not in South Korea, since South Korean anthropologists spend most of them time finding evidence that every Chinese has Korean ancestor...well I don't.)

Secondly, I love to read their Chinese newspapers, Da Ji Yuan, when I was in NYC, in Washington DC, and in London. Every time I feel life sucks and boring I will get one copy for free in Chinatown. In the Chinese version of Da Ji Yuan you'll find all kinds of jokes. My favorite ones are "young Marx joined cults in Germany before he became a communist and he also learned dark magic in one of the cult", and "all the Chinese Communist Party members (700,000,000) resigned altogether overnight", etc.

Thirdly, I fully support their canon advocating people not to go to hospital when they feel sick. If you need an open-heart operation, they suggest you to just relax and stay at home, everything will be fine! Think about it, there're so many people in China living in poverty. If they can save the money for an open-heart operation and ride it over, it would be fantastic!

It is so sad that the Chinese government won't allow such a hilarious grassroots religion to exist. Although its existence seems to be an insult for the I.Q. of the Chinese people, you cannot negate the fact that there're some abnormal people living on the planet and although they seem very retard, they still deserve a place and a say, right?

So I would very much like to join their protest for FSM...sorry, for Falun Gong's religious freedom tonight at Tel Aviv. However, it's a bit far away from Jerusalem and I'm really lazy tonight.

Just one small hope for their future development: it will cut the cost if they write the same thing on both their Chinese publications and English publications. The English readers would also like to appreciate the "Marx joined cult" jokes the same as the Chinese readers.

Hope they have a bright future and more followers!

Facebook and Xiaonei (Renren.com)

As everyone knows, Facebook together with another bunch of foreign websites are blocked in China. Someone interprets this censorship as follows: because these foreign websites refuse to collaborate with the censorship system of the Chinese internet security, therefore it's better to block them all. However, many mainland Chinese netizens use proxy software to obtain a foreign IP and they still can connect to these websites. Chinese diplomats, interviewed by foreign media and overseas Chinese students, said: well I don't understand why Chinese must use Facebook. Because in China we also have similar social networking websites and the most famous on among the many is Xiaonei.com (later renamed Renren.com).

So is Xiaonei.com the same thing as Facebook? I don't want to talk about it in a diplomatic, political or human rights way. Last time we had dinner together with a group of Chinese students in London Chinatown and we talked about the culture difference between Facebook and Xiaonei.

On Facebook, people post about their lives: what they did, where they went, what they liked and disliked. Generally it is an expression and display of oneself. The "I" is the center on the stage. People facebook to let their friends know what's going on with themselves and hope to generate comments.

On Xiaonei.com, the users would rather "share" resources posted by others (notes, album, etc.) and the main purpose is to learn new things and collect new information. The most popular type of posts which got shared the most are the notes and album to teach new knowledge, new skills, or even basic living skills. I got a feeling that most of the time, Xiaonei users get online to learn, instead of showing oneself.

I guess this might be one cultural difference between America and China (if I can conveniently use Facebook and Xiaonei as examples).

Translation of a Chinese blog: After watching Harry Porter 7 the final

[This is a blog published on Chinese "Facebook": Xiaonei.com. Just to make fun of Ph.D. study. Don't take it seriously. I guess the author must be a Ph.D. candidate in the States, by the way...]

刚看了hp7，深刻的觉得Severus Snape教授是个很有教育意义的人，在他的朋友们都大学毕业然后结婚生子过小日子的时候，被Dumbledore教授忽悠读了博士，还留校做教授。不但陷入了Dumbledore教授和Dumbledore死对头Voldemort教授这两位大牛的学术斗争，夹在中间不停的受虐，最倒霉催的更是要看着自己恋人的孩子跑来跑去，而自己临死还只是个小处男。在失去Dumbledore教授的保护后，由于被怀疑抢了Voldemort教授的科研成果，做了一辈子孙子的Severus Snape教授最后很无厘头地被Voldemort教授给冤杀了，最后只留下几滴眼泪给Harry Potter同学，向他展示了一个真正猥琐男波澜壮阔的一生。Harry同学看完这悲催的记忆，顿时爆发了小宇宙，把Voldemort教授给灭了，把那个代表着博士学位制度的法杖给折了，从此摧毁了万恶的博士制度，抱着美女快乐的生活去了。这个故事深刻的告诉我们，把有限的经历花在虚无缥缈的科学（魔法）研究上是件很悲催的事情，强如Dumbledore和Voldemort的人是少数，而大部分人都像Severus Snape一样悲催。所以作为凡人，千万不要被骗搞什么劳什子的科学研究，最要紧的是找到自己的生活，简单而快乐的生活，哈哈哈哈哈。

Translation: I just finished watching Harry Porter 7. Severus Snape is a very educational character. After all his college classmates graduated, got married, and happily lived with their wives and kids, he was persuaded by Professor Dumbledore into applying for a Ph.D. program, and later he even became a professor at the uni himself. He was very painfully caught up and tortured in the academic competition(fight) between Professor Dumbledore and Professor Voldemort, Dumbledore's feud. He even had to face the fact that the son of the woman he loved ran all around the place in front of him. How tragic for him to die as a virgin boy. After losing the protection of Professor Dumbledore, he was suspected of plagiarized the research results from Professor Voldemort and was murdered as a loser. He left only a few drops of tears for Harry Porter showing how pitiful his life is. Seeing this pitiful memory of him, Harry Porter f**ked Professor Voldemort, destroyed the token of Ph.D. degree (the magic wand) and therefore completely destroyed the infamous Ph.D. degree system. He led a happy life with his girl ever since. The story of Harry Porter tells us that dedicating one's limited life to scientific research (the magic) is not pleasant at all. Only few genius such as Professor Dumbledore and Voldemort will succeed an academic career; most people lead a life as pitiful as Severus Snape. As a "commoner", never let the professors trick you into scientific research. The most important thing is to find your own life and live simple and happy, hahahahahaha.

Welcome to my Hebrew blog!!

Recently, out of a whim and culture shock, I started to write my first Hebrew blog with all my limited, broken, beginner's Hebrew. I feel the necessity to write more about China and Chinese people, by displaying the real, day-to-day life of a Chinese student in Israel and by clarifying all the misunderstandings and stereotypes that the Israelis may have towards China and Chinese people. In Israel, sometimes I feel like going back to the US in its 1970s and 1980s when not many Chinese people were there studying and working. The Americans might at first find all those Asian faces (classmates, colleagues, neighbors) very exotic and interesting. Later they came to know more about them and developed all kinds of stereotypes. After that they got to know more Chinese and Chinese culture and some of the stereotypes gradually disappeared, due to the increase of knowledge and mutual understanding. In Israel, in my own humble opinion, the Israelis know even less about China than their American fellows and are currently lingering on the first stage: "exotic and interesting Chinese faces".

Lots of Chinese construction workers and house maids work in Israel. Well, maybe more house maids from Philippines. The first time I watched the 2007 Israeli movie "Noodle" with all the other students in my class, I felt this invisible pain inside my chest. Chinese house maids, illegal immigrants, deported back to China, almost illiterate child, and so on. Chinese are marginalized in this society; they are poor, weak, disorganized, and lack the basic surviving abilities (such as speaking a certain amount of Hebrew or cite the local laws to protect themselves). They live in ghettos and are not united.

Surely there're a handsome number of Chinese students studying in Israel. But generally they are shy and most of them are here to learn the language (this is absurd, I mean, if you are here to learn the language, then isn't it the most important thing for you to communicate with the locals)? Unfortunately, most of the time I saw the Chinese students on campus hanging out with other Chinese like a mysterious coven. Sadly, most Chinese students are like that in any other countries. They are here to learn the language but they aren't really integrated into the culture.

Being Chinese and studying abroad, I fully understand the economic reason why they don't get assimilated into the so-called mainstream culture. Most of the Chinese students come from middle class family and it's really expensive for them to even survive in a foreign, Western, developed country. In Jerusalem everything is expensive, especially on this isolated hill top, Mount Scopus. Unless you want to walk every day from one hill top to the other hill top and buy things on Mt. of Olives (East Jerusalem), you need to think twice before spending every shekel. And needless to say, not all the local students would like to interact with Chinese students (or any international student).

I always remind myself of my purpose of studying abroad: to know more about other cultures and embrace other values. Don't carry our "Chinatown" to where we are traveling to or studying at, the "Chinatown" of everything Chinese: Chinese culture, Chinese food, Chinese way of thinking, Chinese way of behaving, and speaking Chinese 24/7.

OK, so I guess I should wrap this post up with a brief summary: promoting one culture and facilitating mutual understanding is a very slow process that may last generations. National propaganda and public relations (isn't PR an euphemism to say "propaganda"?) are needed. Meanwhile, people exchange and grassroots ambassadors are of the same importance. I would like to be a grassroots ambassador to speak for my country and my culture. I feel obliged to do so.

International America and Cosmopolitan Britain

Often I hear people say that America is a very international country because people immigrated from all over the world to settle down and contribute to the dynamics of American culture. Maybe it is true. But to me, America is clearly more of a melting pot than a mosaic. Regardless of all the dynamics in race, culture and language, they are all Americans and hold American citizenship. America is isolated by two oceans on each side and develops its own "Americaness". It is international, but it is also very American.

On the contrary, according to my own living experience in London, I feel more cosmopolitan here than when I was in the States. Thanks to European Union and Schengen System, people studying and working here come from all parts of the world and a large proportion of them don't need and don't have British citizenship. They are not obliged to be assimilated and adjusted to the British culture (even the British identity). They are, in a sense, more cosmopolitan than the newly immigrated Americans.

My own university, London School of Economics and Political Science, is a big fan of "globalization" and "cosmopolitanism", or maybe even of "postmodernity". Maybe "globalization" and "cosmopolitanism" as concepts are way too pompous and inherently hollow and meaningless, at least it shows a more innovative way to imagine people exchange, hybrid culture and identity.

After all, feeling global doesn't necessarily mean you must have physical, geographical global experience.

Travel, travel, travel

Last year I studied at London School of Economics and Political Science. London is for sure not the center (geographical or cultural) of Europe, but it's still very convenient to travel to most parts of Europe (as long as you stop at Siberia). I designed for myself a complicated yet fantastic travel route that covers most continental European countries. But in the end, due to the workload from my program and all the procrastination of one lonely traveler, I ended up covering only a few countries, including (in the order of visit) Ireland, Iceland, Italy, Greece, Czech, Netherlands, France, Turkey and Ukraine, not to mention that I also went to Israel trice during the year.

And all of these tours turned out to be a "Jewish cultural heritage search". I stopped at Rome, at Athens, at Venice, Prague, Amsterdam, Paris, Istanbul, Kiev, Lviv and Berdychiv. I looked for synagogues, remaining Jewish communities/quarters, Jewish cultural museums, even the mezuzah on the weathered doorways like wrinkles on face of the elders.

I didn't really know why I was looking for them and what I was about to do with myself. The only thing I knew was that by having a purpose, any kind, my travel was given certain meaning and significance so that I can keep on.

I'm not Jewish. I'm not intending to convert. I'm not religious. By the way, I am not a communist. Lacking the sense of belonging, I'm always wandering among, or more like squeezing between, the raptures of cultures and the marginalized world. My friends told me: do you know why you're so aimless? Because you came from a middle class family which spoiled you so that you don't even need to worry about anything. This is not true. Maybe I will attribute this "free and useless spirit" to the four-year education at Fudan University, well-known for its "free and useless soul".

I guess that's the reason why we were not meant for each other. He's living in reality yet I'm wandering, pretty nomadic, in my dream. I need to wake and and I know I will, some day, wake up very painfully. But before that, let all the experiences and inspirations fill my empty head and heart. Let me open to all the possibilities and all the voices. Let me build up the courage to embrace the new, the unfamiliar, and the unexpected.

I am staying here. I am not going anywhere. I'm waiting for the coming September. On this land there are the people I love. I'm scared. But I want to stay and be with them. If I went through all the things that they'd been through, then would I be closer to them?

Life, life, life

Last week I was verbally harassed by a dirty old man from Nordic state. Hmm, such a precious life experience for me to grow. Although I've been in a really bad mood because of his filthy language and sexual frustration, I admit that I've really learned a good lesson: how the arrogant Westerners see Asian women. Basically, they (well not all the white men of course) divide Asian women into two categories: the ones who would like to sleep with foreigners and the ones who wouldn't.

He wished I were poor, so that I could do whatever he wants. Hmm, this is a very intriguing notion in its own way. So it seems that the Asian women are cheap service providers? I don't know what happened to him when he traveled in China and learned the language. Or maybe there were plenty of Chinese girls who'd like to hook up with blonde, blue-eyed Westerners like him, which ultimately spoiled him and corrupted his taste. Unfortunately, he obviously picked the wrong girl by accosting and harassing me. Not to mention the two master degrees pending (I guess that explains I'm intelligent?), I am also an independent, confident and able woman. I'm here in Israel to study for my interest and fight for my future, not to hook up with sexually frustrated old man who sees us Asian women through colored eyes. It's such a shame.

And I also read this article on Ha'aretz that says sexual harassment in Israel is not a trivial social problem. In the article, "No less than 35% to 40% of women have experienced sexual harassment at work, a third of whom experienced it in the last 12 months. Some 40% feel the workplace is not safe, from the perspective of harassment, according to a survey by the Ministry of Industry, Trade and Labor."

So, after a whole day's study (5 hours' Hebrew intense and 5 hours' homework, review and preview), when I finally came back home from school I felt so disgusted and tired. I texted my friend, chatting about irrelevant things and hoping to get some warmth. Later he called me and said that "Peggy, you stuck in the past. You didn't move on. I wish you to be happy. I hope you'll get a new boyfriend." Hmm, what should I say?

So many unpleasant things happened during this summer. And I am working on my own for my future. No one helps me and I need no help from others. Life is revealing the cold, realistic facet to me and I need to know and bear in mind that I need to be strong, be independent because from now on I am all on my own.

He always says I am weak. Yes I may be weak when I'm relaxed and when I'm feeling that I could depend on someone like a floating boat temporarily harboring at one tranquil port. But now with all the beautiful memories gone, Jerusalem for me is empty and tough. I questioned myself: do you still want to live here, as a single Asian woman, as a Gentile, and as a weak creature?

I haven't got the answer yet. I need time to think and only time will yield the answer.

This is the 24th summer in my life. I never felt so lonely yet paradoxically so strong and determined ever. This is a good sign, at least, nachon?

מתחילה לכתוב בלוג בעברית מן היום

יום טוב! עכשיו אני לומדת באולפן עברית א4. אני לא יודעת הרבה מילים... אבל אני רוצה לכתוב!~ יש~!

תודה

Falling in love with someone is a lovely thing. It brightens your eyes and presents a broader world to you. And this is the motivation to learn new things and to explore new territories without fear or hesitation. In the end, it doesn't really matter who you fall in love with. What matters is that you know you have love inside your heart.

So, thank you for letting me know all the lifelong knowledge of love.

After a long leave

It's been a while since last time I posted things onto this blog. Now it seems pretty deserted. I just arrived in London one week ago and the cold and humid weather really caught me. Apart from drinking hot water and putting on several layers, I still found something significant to do. School registration, department orientation, opening bank account, buying new phone card, sending postcards to friends all over the world, registration at Overseas Record Office and local clinic, setting up my cooking schedule and facilities, etc... Looks like I've been highly efficient. And yes, I also went to help cleaning the apartment room of my landlord/BBF's brother. OK, so far everything is good.

In the following months I have a really hard job to do: VISA APPLICATION. First to Ireland, then to Italy and Greece (one Schengen visa will do), and finally to Israel and Egypt (I doubt if I have extra time for Egyptian visa, we'll see). Honestly, I am a wanderlust and a typical "Empire Capital Tourist". So far I've been to Beijing, Washington DC, London, and Jerusalem. On my list are:

Paris

Rome

Athens

Cairo

Istanbul

Amsterdam

Moscow

New Delhi

Baghdad

For the last one, I think I'll need some extra, external support...

So, let's look forward to this coming semester~

It would be of great FUN!

To intern supervisor Teresa

Dear Teresa,

How are you these days?

I hope this letter finds you well. It’s been almost a month since last time we had lunch together in Washington D.C. and I farewell ESA. I came back safe to Shanghai and started a new life here as graduate student while preparing for the journeys lying in front of me. But I always feel that there’s part of me which is still hovering there, reluctant to leave. Three months plus two weeks’ living and interning in DC was indeed a life-changing experience. Many of my ideas and perceptions have changed. I could feel that. And that’s the reason why I came back and felt like I’ve started a new life, instead of returning to my previous life. I’ve changed. I owe you a big hug and lots of thanks.

I’ve been thinking for a long time how to summarize my internship at ESA. I drafted many versions, using completely different styles, and in various structures. Finally I decided to write a letter addressed to you. Your influence on me was huge. Reflecting of the internship, it was all memories of you. Thank you for being patient all the time and willing to teach me so many news things. Thank you for forgiving my ignorance and mistakes every time. Thank you for helping me to develop the skills that I didn’t have.

It all started from a telephone interview around 2am in Shanghai. I struggled to keep alert and was super nervous. My head was completely blank and my words trembled very often. Ecology and environmental literacy was so unfamiliar to me. Everything seemed so fresh, exciting, and challenging. Even after reading the proposal of the October summit, I still doubted if I could make it. Then I was on my way to DC.

My major is Communication Study. At first it was a little depressing to find out how limited I learned from college when I was placed in the real working environment. Apart from working experience, my English was never good enough to take control of my work. At that time, I grew a little unconfident and felt so sorry. I retreated to the things I was familiar with and left out the rest to Nicole. After about a month, I gradually got used to my work and ESA. People here were all very kind to me. Even though sometimes I couldn’t express myself clearly, they were so patient to listen to me and supported me in every possible way. I felt so grateful.

Also, from the three-month-internship at ESA, I’ve learned a lot of new things, including substantial knowledge, typology of NPO, partnership building, ecological education status in the States, and practical office skills. I know my work is far from excellent, yet this was a good chance for me to discover my weaknesses: lack of confidence, being passive in communication, and most importantly, the lack of the sense of obligation. Knowing my weaknesses helps me improve more efficiently with a clear focus. I will brand these in mind and take this experience with me into my future work.

Before I came to intern at ESA, my career goal was to pursue a Ph.D. degree in the States and become a “nomadic” scholar. I cared more about social status and income. I thought being a faculty in college is not only economically safe but also well respected by the society. When I left ESA and DC, my mind had changed a lot. I grew a keen interest in NPO and its social impact on people. There’re always many ways to raise money and become rich, but there’s something that even money and the sense of security cannot satiate. It is the will to help others and make it a better world.

In China, I always feel more or less “reluctant” to wholly devote myself to nonprofit causes. It was the reality that taught me: self-survival is more important. If you can’t sustain yourself, then how could you help others? Investigating into the nonprofit organizations in China, I found many problems of the institutions and the society as a whole. In the macro-environment, nonprofit organizations face many internal and external limitations that impede them from expending and prospering. But this shouldn’t be the excuse. People with ideals and good wills are still working hard to promote development and progress. As long as there are people who need help and things to be changed, they won’t give up.

After I came back to Shanghai, I heard that one of my friends got an offer from an investment bank. She’s deeply bewildered and doubts the value of this work. Then I told her, I might invest the rest of my time in nonprofit, she was surprised. For her, it was like “from one extreme to another extreme”. I know it’s not completely ideal or romantic to work in nonprofit. It’s hard work, perseverance and hope: hard work to make things happen, perseverance to stick to the value, and hope to expect a brighter future.

Participating in the preparation and organization of the Ecology and Education Summit, I was touched by the goal to make a unified voice and promote a change in ecology education. The idea of the summit was created from stretch. People were assembled under the belief. Every part worked organically together. What’s more, there’s a small group of key leaders who strongly believe it will happen and it will move towards a brighter direction. Despite the long, long teleconferences with some embarrassing time when people responded slowly or kept silent or even absent, everything was on the schedule. The whole picture of the summit was gradually reviewed and displayed. It is indeed hard to drag all kinds of people together and find a way for everyone to contribute. All through these three months, I’ve seen you working so dedicatedly to integrate every part together, to organize their efforts, to push them at times, and to spread hope and good news among everyone. I asked myself many times that if I could finally find something that I love to my core and would like to dedicate so completely and willingly, like you have done so perfectly at ESA?

Now I came back to Shanghai and is about to start a new journey around the world, I feel more confident and more focused this time. I’m no longer bewildered of my personal growth or future career, even though I don’t know exactly my future plan about everything. Now I realize that no matter what one does as a career or a cause, one should have these characteristics listed below:

1. Have a positive attitude.

Be active and optimistic. Pay attention to details. Be polite. Be modest. Be friendly.

2. Have a priority.

Focus. Dedication. Agenda.

3. Emphasize experience.

Try new things. Listen to more people. Open to more ideas and values.

This is a great fortune that I got out of the three months’ internship at ESA and something that I can apply to any situation and position in the future. Again, thank you so much for giving me this chance and letting me know these life philosophy. I will never forget this gratefulness wherever I go and I will become a better person, more brave and bright. Please watch me!

Peggy He Guan

1 June, 2010

Shanghai, China

Peggy:

What a kind, touching and what’s more, honest reflection of your internship here. I thank you very much for this letter. I think it is amazing that you have got so much out of this experience. Yes, I do believe that having a sense of purpose in life is so important. Of course, being justly and adequately compensated is important as well. But you will find that where finances may not be as high compared to some types of jobs, having a reason to wake up every day and go to work makes you happier, healthier and wiser! Our world is getting “smaller” with globalization and at the same time, more and more “alienating” because people are often just another number in the workforce, another consumer in the market, another commodity to exploit. If we are not careful, we lose our sense of who we are.

I am sorry that I did not sense that your confidence slipped while on the internship until it was too late I guess. This letter is very well written and I know you have the skills to communicate. It is interesting that should happen because I was impressed by how confident you were when you began the internship so I really did not think this would have been an issue and I regret we could not address it together.

However, I still feel overall, you made a very important contribution towards keeping the project on track for the Summit and as you said, things are pretty much where we projected despite the difficulty in getting consensus on the program. It was a challenging project that you were managing, so perhaps it is not just your ability to express yourself. I encourage you going forward, to always speak with your supervisor/adviser if you have any issues. But also be prepared that your adviser may not always be responsive, sad but true. And when you face that situation, don’t be afraid to seek out others who might be able to help you.

I am glad you have a new resolution and renewed confidence. I consider you a bright star and will certainly watch you! Please stay in touch and take good care.

Teresa

Open the box of chocolates

Life is like a box of chocolates, you never know what you're gonna get.

15 years ago when I heard this sentence from Forrest Gump, I was only an elementary school kid. I never thought about future, nor did I ever imagine that one day, in the United States, during a life-changing journey, I would understand this sentence so deeply and agree with it with all my life.

Before I came to Washington DC and joined this dynamic program, I had always been thinking about the concept of “global mindset”. What does it mean by saying that someone has a “global mindset”? Does it refer to the mastery of several foreign languages, experience of worldwide travels, and four-digit numbers of foreign friends on Facebook? Or does it simply indicate that someone has dual nationality or has multinational living experience?

And here I am, fully immersed in the brilliant capital life, talking to people from all walks of life, tasting food from every continent of the world, discussing headline news from weather to healthcare, and enjoying festivals from various countries. I was amazed by this iridescent picture of communications and exuberant vitality of multi-cultures. Every glimpse of the society provides me new ideas and perspectives to interpret things which I had taken for granted.

If I’d ever offer an advice to the perspective students of TWC, I would recommend them to try as many new things as possible. By trying new things and opening one’s heart to the unfamiliar voices, one grows stronger, wiser, and more critical, thus understands the world better than before. Life is like a box of chocolates. So just give yourself a chance to step forward, open it, taste it, appreciate it, and then you will find the world has more colors. Love it, accept it, respect it, and then you become a world citizen.

Google and China

Obviously, China is more vulnerable to the international public opinion in this Google/PRC argument, not only because China’s standpoint in this single event, but also China’s notoriously accumulated bad history in freedom of speech and human rights issues.

I myself is a “pious” gmail user. And I’ve also sent/received emails of which contents are unfriendly to the Chinese government. But I’m far from worrying about the government’s censorship and access to my gmail account, selfishly because I’m still far from “important” to them. But here’s the common psychological logic for many Chinese people: as long as their personal interests are intact, or so they believe, they won’t stand up and protest.

The Google event, in general, just added another piece of supporting evidence to show how terrible the human rights and freedom conditions are in China. People know it. Then some take actions and others not. Google withdrew from mainland China and drew a whole bunch of criticism from “innocent Chinese” cursing Google’s left as part of the US’s “undermining and distablizing China Plan”. Apparently there’s a huge gulf between Chinese’s interpretation and that of the American’s on this issue, which further separated China and Chinese from the mainstream voice in the world and rendered China as a “rogue”.

Google’s the first but not the last one who publicly withdrew from China in a high key. As time goes by, more companies in China will encounter similar dilemmas if the Chinese government won’t change its position and way of doing things. By then, if those foreign companies form a line and withdraw from the market altogether, it would be a deadly blow to China and Chinese economy. China will be politically, economically, and culturally isolated from the world. But the question is, is this scenario possible? Will as many companies as Google do the same? Will these collaborative efforts really force the Chinese government to reform?

Although I’m Chinese, I don’t know the answer to this question. As long as I’m still fighting to remain confident of the Chinese government, I hope China will progress and jump out of this trap.

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"The doctrinal differences between Sunni and Shi'a Muslims are of minor importance, far less than those that divide the rival churches of Christendom. But the Shi'ite sense of martyrdom and persecution, reinforced by their long experience through the centuries as a minority group under rulers whom they regarded as usurpers, raised a psychological barrier between them and the Sunni state and majority, a difference of experience and outlook, and therefore also of religious and political attitudes and behavior."

----Bernard Lewis, The Middle East: A Brief History of the Last 2,000 Years

History books and history education: why we can't communicate with each other?

This is great to be here in the Washington Center program in DC. Last week we visited the nonprofit organization Machik which sends volunteers to Tibet plateau to teach the students in summer schools. And on the coming Monday, we're going to have a joint program with Taiwan students to talk about facilitating dialogue and communications. I always believe what I've seen and people I've talked to. That's how I get ideas and insights of things. And I will continue talking to people at different places to hear what they think and what they want.

But here comes another question: why couldn't we talk to each other in the past? What hindered the channels of communication? I had no idea just before this weekend and then I realized that there's something very important which we'd taken for granted for a long time.

I have been reading the book Imperial Crusades: Iraq, Afghanistan and Yugoslavia. And then I suddenly bumped into the topic of Korean war. I was very familiar with it, not only because my hometown was only miles from North Korea and my grandparents worked as doctors during the Korean war, but also because I was an art student in high school, which meant that the compulsory curriculum for me included History, Geography, and Politics. I remembered how the Korean war processed and how many Chinese soldiers fought and died, and finally we "won" the war and driven the American invaders out of the Korean land. But then, I barely remembered nothing about how the war broke out? What caused the war? Why American soldiers were there? My memory was blank.

Then I tried my best and squeezed some crumbs out of my faded memory of high school history classes. It seemed that there were some disputes between the North and South Korean and then? What happened? I couldn't remember anything from the textbook. And then I went online and googled. I was a little surprised and embarrassed. Surprised because I didn't know it. Embarrassed because it was a little different than what I had thought of it.

Then I felt being cheated. Why didn't I know it? I'm not being conceited, but if from the higher education of history that I didn't get it, there must have been at least a third Chinese students who don't know it, including those who don't care about it.

And here are some other facts that makes me uneasy.

1. History book of Japan. We've long been criticizing the Japanese Rightists of “distorting history” by deleting the crucial facts of massacres in World War II and "beautifying their intentions of war".

2. Knowledge gap. We educate our students to believe A and they educate the students to believe B. Both of us believe that our educations are righteous and our students believe that they're well-educated and they know the "truth".

So how could we expect that our generation and the following generations can communicate each other smoothly and effectively when both of our knowledge is based on biased and manipulated facts? And this explains partly why many Chinese people boycott Japanese goods, go on a parade of anti-independence-of-Taiwan-province, and ignore Tibetans' religious freedom (the history books in China teach us that the people's liberation army liberated the backward feudal Tibet plateau and brought new opportunities for them to thrive).

Behind the deep misunderstandings among different nations and peoples, history books and history education play an important role. It is pretty surreal for all the governments around the world to come up with a set of "standardized, unbiased and disinterested" history books and history education curriculum, because history itself is largely shaped by human's wills and limitations, according to the Social Constructivism Theory.

Then how can we deal with the "natural barriers" that set people apart at the first place? Reforms of history education? No way. The whole education system is by and large serving the national interest. By displaying "objective facts" to the young generations and publicly denunciating the past political leaders are considered to be suicidal madness.

Then HOW! If we can't rely on governments' action, who should we turn to? Non-governmental organizations? International non-governmental organizations? Then how will these organizations survive? Apparently they won't receive any funding from "biased governments". Who will donate? How many people are willing to "pay for the truth"?

Well, I guess I'm getting more and more confused right now.

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"Policy makers did not have the time, structures, or resources for a serious study of an alien culture. They justified their lack of knowledge and experience by focusing on poverty and implying that dramatic cultural differences did not exist. They acted as though villagers were interested in all the priorities of international organizations, even when those priorities were mutually contradictory."

----Rory Stewart, The Places in Between

"Lacie" (Melody 2) from Pandora Hearts, Kajiura Yuki

Japanese manga, anime and games (PC, PS, NDS, PSP, GBA...) are my favorite entertainment in everyday life. I admit that reading manga, watching anime, and playing games can be very time-consuming for a grad student, but that's something that keep me alive, refill my energy and spark my imaginations. In a word, manga and anime make me stay mentally young.

I'm always attracted to the background music of Japanese animes. I still remember one anime Soukuu no Fafner, with music composed by Japanese artist and played by Warsaw Orchestra. I fully indulged in all those marvellous symphonies. Another one is Final Fantasy series. The theme song of Final Fantasy VIII "Eyes On Me" and theme song of Final Fantasy XII "Kiss Me Goodbye" are definitely "masterpieces"!

When it comes to anime music composers, Kajiura Yuki is my favorite~I love her music ever since she composed music for Mai-HiME and Mai-Oto-Hime. Music for Gundam Seed is also fantastic~And music for Hack series, such as the beautiful song Fake Wings. Her own girl singing group Kalafina is awesome, with four girls' voices like violins and chello.

The latest song by Yuki that struck me hard is the melody Lacie from Pandora Hearts, which is a Japanese anime adapted from manga. Pandora Hearts is Japanese manga series by Jun Mochizuki.

Oz Vessalius, heir to the Vessalius dukedom, has just turned fifteen. His life is rich and carefree, darkened only by the constant absence of his father. At his coming-of-age ceremony, however, everything changes. For no reason that he can discern, Oz is cast into the prison known as the "Abyss", only to be saved by a "Chain" known as Alice, the Bloodstained Black Rabbit, B-Rabbit for short. The mystery there begins as Oz unravels the mystery behind Alice, the Abyss and the strange organization known as Pandora. (cited from Wikipedia)

It was a story of the four duke names in the kingdom.

A great ancestor of Vessalius, hero Jack Vessalius killed his best friend Glen Baskerville and saved the people 100 years ago. Jack was the third son of the declined Vessalius family and music box maker. He was the only friend of reticent and "gloomy" Glen and they created the critical pocket watch in the anime together, with Glen composed a song named Lacie and Jack made the pocket watch with a tiny music box inside. Lacie is said to be Lacie Baskerville, Glen's lover, and mother of Alice the B-Rabbit and Alice the Intention of Abyss. (Lacie and Alice, name anagram) Lacie was a very important person to Glen, yet she was sacrificed to Abyss for some reason. The twins Alice were born in Abyss. Lacie gave Glen hope and happiness, was warm like sunshine. She slept in the tomb in Baskerville's garden. The death of Lacie deeply stimulated Glen and he desparately started the Tragedy of Sablier and slaughtered this capital city just for access to the Intention of Abyss.

Lacie is the song in memory of Lacie. It recorded their happiness days together, but the beautiful melogy sounds so lonely and sad when Lacie left. I wonder how is Kajiura Yuki able to capture such a subtle, bittersweet, melancholy feeling and map them into scores.

There's several versions of Lacie. The former music box version, later piano version played by Elliot Nightray in the story, and then a singing version.

Here's a link to Elliot Nightray's piano version:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bi7v1scrvh4

Here's the lyrics of the vocal version:

Everytime you kissed me
I trembled like a child
Gathering the roses
We sang for the hope
Your very voice is in my heartbeat
Sweeter than my dream
We were there, in everlasting bloom
Roses die,The secret is inside the pain
Winds are high upon the hill
I cannot hear you
Come and hold me close
I'm shivering cold in the heart of rain
Darkness falls, I'm calling for the dawn

Silver dishes for the memories
For the days gone by
Singing for the promises
Tomorrow may bring
I harbour all the old affection
Roses of the past
Darkness falls, and summer will be gone
Joys of the daylight
Shadows of the starlight
Everything was sweet by your side, my love
Ruby tears have come to me, for your last words
I'm here just singing my song of woe
waiting for you, my love
Now let my happiness sing inside my dream...

Everytime you kissed me
My heart was in such pain
Gathering the roses
We sang of the grief
Your very voice is in my heartbeat
Sweeter than despair
We were there, in everlasting bloom
Underneath the stars
Shaded by the flowers
Kiss me in the summer day gloom, my love
You are all my pleasure
My hope and my song
I will be here dreaming in the past
Until you come
Until we close our eyes....