To intern supervisor Teresa

Dear Teresa,

How are you these days?

I hope this letter finds you well. It’s been almost a month since last time we had lunch together in Washington D.C. and I farewell ESA. I came back safe to Shanghai and started a new life here as graduate student while preparing for the journeys lying in front of me. But I always feel that there’s part of me which is still hovering there, reluctant to leave. Three months plus two weeks’ living and interning in DC was indeed a life-changing experience. Many of my ideas and perceptions have changed. I could feel that. And that’s the reason why I came back and felt like I’ve started a new life, instead of returning to my previous life. I’ve changed. I owe you a big hug and lots of thanks.

I’ve been thinking for a long time how to summarize my internship at ESA. I drafted many versions, using completely different styles, and in various structures. Finally I decided to write a letter addressed to you. Your influence on me was huge. Reflecting of the internship, it was all memories of you. Thank you for being patient all the time and willing to teach me so many news things. Thank you for forgiving my ignorance and mistakes every time. Thank you for helping me to develop the skills that I didn’t have.

It all started from a telephone interview around 2am in Shanghai. I struggled to keep alert and was super nervous. My head was completely blank and my words trembled very often. Ecology and environmental literacy was so unfamiliar to me. Everything seemed so fresh, exciting, and challenging. Even after reading the proposal of the October summit, I still doubted if I could make it. Then I was on my way to DC.

My major is Communication Study. At first it was a little depressing to find out how limited I learned from college when I was placed in the real working environment. Apart from working experience, my English was never good enough to take control of my work. At that time, I grew a little unconfident and felt so sorry. I retreated to the things I was familiar with and left out the rest to Nicole. After about a month, I gradually got used to my work and ESA. People here were all very kind to me. Even though sometimes I couldn’t express myself clearly, they were so patient to listen to me and supported me in every possible way. I felt so grateful.

Also, from the three-month-internship at ESA, I’ve learned a lot of new things, including substantial knowledge, typology of NPO, partnership building, ecological education status in the States, and practical office skills. I know my work is far from excellent, yet this was a good chance for me to discover my weaknesses: lack of confidence, being passive in communication, and most importantly, the lack of the sense of obligation. Knowing my weaknesses helps me improve more efficiently with a clear focus. I will brand these in mind and take this experience with me into my future work.

Before I came to intern at ESA, my career goal was to pursue a Ph.D. degree in the States and become a “nomadic” scholar. I cared more about social status and income. I thought being a faculty in college is not only economically safe but also well respected by the society. When I left ESA and DC, my mind had changed a lot. I grew a keen interest in NPO and its social impact on people. There’re always many ways to raise money and become rich, but there’s something that even money and the sense of security cannot satiate. It is the will to help others and make it a better world.

In China, I always feel more or less “reluctant” to wholly devote myself to nonprofit causes. It was the reality that taught me: self-survival is more important. If you can’t sustain yourself, then how could you help others? Investigating into the nonprofit organizations in China, I found many problems of the institutions and the society as a whole. In the macro-environment, nonprofit organizations face many internal and external limitations that impede them from expending and prospering. But this shouldn’t be the excuse. People with ideals and good wills are still working hard to promote development and progress. As long as there are people who need help and things to be changed, they won’t give up.

After I came back to Shanghai, I heard that one of my friends got an offer from an investment bank. She’s deeply bewildered and doubts the value of this work. Then I told her, I might invest the rest of my time in nonprofit, she was surprised. For her, it was like “from one extreme to another extreme”. I know it’s not completely ideal or romantic to work in nonprofit. It’s hard work, perseverance and hope: hard work to make things happen, perseverance to stick to the value, and hope to expect a brighter future.

Participating in the preparation and organization of the Ecology and Education Summit, I was touched by the goal to make a unified voice and promote a change in ecology education. The idea of the summit was created from stretch. People were assembled under the belief. Every part worked organically together. What’s more, there’s a small group of key leaders who strongly believe it will happen and it will move towards a brighter direction. Despite the long, long teleconferences with some embarrassing time when people responded slowly or kept silent or even absent, everything was on the schedule. The whole picture of the summit was gradually reviewed and displayed. It is indeed hard to drag all kinds of people together and find a way for everyone to contribute. All through these three months, I’ve seen you working so dedicatedly to integrate every part together, to organize their efforts, to push them at times, and to spread hope and good news among everyone. I asked myself many times that if I could finally find something that I love to my core and would like to dedicate so completely and willingly, like you have done so perfectly at ESA?

Now I came back to Shanghai and is about to start a new journey around the world, I feel more confident and more focused this time. I’m no longer bewildered of my personal growth or future career, even though I don’t know exactly my future plan about everything. Now I realize that no matter what one does as a career or a cause, one should have these characteristics listed below:

1. Have a positive attitude.

Be active and optimistic. Pay attention to details. Be polite. Be modest. Be friendly.

2. Have a priority.

Focus. Dedication. Agenda.

3. Emphasize experience.

Try new things. Listen to more people. Open to more ideas and values.

This is a great fortune that I got out of the three months’ internship at ESA and something that I can apply to any situation and position in the future. Again, thank you so much for giving me this chance and letting me know these life philosophy. I will never forget this gratefulness wherever I go and I will become a better person, more brave and bright. Please watch me!

Peggy He Guan

1 June, 2010

Shanghai, China

Peggy:

What a kind, touching and what’s more, honest reflection of your internship here. I thank you very much for this letter. I think it is amazing that you have got so much out of this experience. Yes, I do believe that having a sense of purpose in life is so important. Of course, being justly and adequately compensated is important as well. But you will find that where finances may not be as high compared to some types of jobs, having a reason to wake up every day and go to work makes you happier, healthier and wiser! Our world is getting “smaller” with globalization and at the same time, more and more “alienating” because people are often just another number in the workforce, another consumer in the market, another commodity to exploit. If we are not careful, we lose our sense of who we are.

I am sorry that I did not sense that your confidence slipped while on the internship until it was too late I guess. This letter is very well written and I know you have the skills to communicate. It is interesting that should happen because I was impressed by how confident you were when you began the internship so I really did not think this would have been an issue and I regret we could not address it together.

However, I still feel overall, you made a very important contribution towards keeping the project on track for the Summit and as you said, things are pretty much where we projected despite the difficulty in getting consensus on the program. It was a challenging project that you were managing, so perhaps it is not just your ability to express yourself. I encourage you going forward, to always speak with your supervisor/adviser if you have any issues. But also be prepared that your adviser may not always be responsive, sad but true. And when you face that situation, don’t be afraid to seek out others who might be able to help you.

I am glad you have a new resolution and renewed confidence. I consider you a bright star and will certainly watch you! Please stay in touch and take good care.

Teresa